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Top 10 Quirkiest Questions to Ask the Vet

September 27, 2009

1.  “What is your opinion on fruit?”
Err, regarding what?  Eating it?  I like blueberries and Philly Cream Cheese on German Rye Bread…
2.  “Don’t dogs go into menopause?”
Nope.  That would explain your pregnant 11-year-old American Pit Bull Terrier…
3.  “Can you trim her toes?”
We just do the nails; we leave the toes.  Now I’m just messin’ with people…
4.  “After she is spayed, she can still have puppies, right?”
Err, noo…. Maybe I should explain again.  Uh-Oh, does this person have kids?
5.  “What is purring for?”
Because.  Sort of like rocking yourself to sleep, not always a happy cat.
6.  “Is that bump on the roof of her mouth just behind the front teeth cancer?”
Nope. That’s the incisive papilla. In most dogs and cats, there’s a duct to a sixth sense organ in the septum of their nose called the Vomeral-nasal organ. They use it to run a complex chemical analysis of things like health status.  You were pretty worried, weren’t you.  Plus, your dog is 7, you just noticed the bump?
7.  “You’re gonna burn him up, right?”
Well, I guess cremation could be described that way.  This was a strangely funny story; maybe I’ll tell you about it someday…
8.  “Can you autopsy my goldfish?”
Yep.  No kidding.
9. (Looking at 8 week old puppy): “When can he go swimming in the ocean?”
When he’s bigger than chum.  ‘Nuff said.
10.  “What does it mean when he meows?”
You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. That’s the fun part.  That might just be the title to my autobiography…

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